the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
