Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
