I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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