Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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