There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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