A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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