dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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