I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
