have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
