yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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