if you like me you must not know who I am
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize