it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
