You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
