we're chasing vodka with high fives
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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