I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
