I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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