Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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