Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize