dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
