Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
