Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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