no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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