We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
