I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
