We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The air taste purple.
Randomize
