I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
