She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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