She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
