doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
