forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
