Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
