The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
