her vagina looked like bernie madoff
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
