Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize