worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
