I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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