Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
