great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
