Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I am one with the molecules
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
