I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize