Your face is a jimmy john
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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