she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize