Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Everything about him screamed your future.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
