You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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