You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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