i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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