Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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