Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
