I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
