i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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