He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
FUCK WHALES
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
