I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
