Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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