my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she told me i tasted like america
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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