Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
