Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
