My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
