Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
