Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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