"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
