Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
