Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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