Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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