I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize