You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
