No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
