I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
