I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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