You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
