I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
bring money and cleavage
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize