Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
