i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize