We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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