and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't put those talents on a resume
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
