Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
