Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
