Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
