I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
