Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
