so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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