So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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