I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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