Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
