Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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