So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
