Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize