She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
