i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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