I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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