Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
