I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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