I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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