i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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