i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
