I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize