would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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