Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
