what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
