I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
