i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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