I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
