you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
