I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
